i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
