just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
