he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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