can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
