Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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