Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
