Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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