So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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