addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
