I'm eating all of the evidence.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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