dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
