I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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