I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dick very happy bro
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
