Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No I am not eating basil off your cock
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
