i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
