woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
