the condom got lost in my hair
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
