i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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