How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Vodka?
Forever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
