i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Floor bacon is actually really good
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
