I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
