I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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