Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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