What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
