my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
