I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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