I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
