I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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