I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
