the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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