they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
