So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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