my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
