Christians are straight up FREAKS
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
