So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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