I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
