Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
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Do I have a choice?
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Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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