last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
