I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
