So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
