when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
