In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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