dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
