never play flip cup with pint glasses
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
