i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
