I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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