I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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