Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
