In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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