Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
