the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
