One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
