I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
