The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
